You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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