Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
