Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did you pee in the oven last night??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
