If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
