so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
