We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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