So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
