I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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