We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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