I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
