Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
