The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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