Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
