dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
