when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
