Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
