I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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