Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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