evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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