So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
