I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
