Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
