I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
