Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
