I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
