By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
