The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
