i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
