Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
