last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You ruined the universe
Randomize
