im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
