I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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