lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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