i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
