I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
