we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
