she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
