best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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