Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Panties = found
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