Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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