meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
