Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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