shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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