Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
