Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
