We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
