What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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