All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
