I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
