Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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