Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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