He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I FOUND THE LEGS
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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