Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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