I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
