yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
