i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
